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Happy Birthday, James

I can remember just about everything that happened two years ago. Instant messaging a friend to say I was scared. Adjusting the overhead light in the operating room because I was taller than the doctors. Sitting behind a curtain shielding me from all the blood. Not knowing if he was out yet, and then being surprised to see his tiny little body lying on a scale across the room.

The trouble is remembering much of anything before James.

We’ve both been thinking a lot about James today. We guest-authored a post on our friend Jen’s hugely popular Cakewrecks blog to remember his first birthday. Just as it was after the Cakewrecks readers were informed of our last blog when James died, we have been flooded with more traffic and comments with the kindest words that strangers can ever write.

Earlier this week, Abby found a mini-DV tape with footage I had taken of the underside of our kitchen sink in December 2007 (I was looking for a leak). In the background she heard her parents talking and singing, and the precious little noises that James made. I get points for being the kind of husband who doesn’t make light of such unexpected treasures, nor tell her to return the candle in the shape of the number 2 that she bought at the grocery store.

I figure in 2 years and 17 weeks, maybe it will come in handy.

27 thoughts on “Happy Birthday, James”

  1. I just finished reading your Sweet Baby James blog tonight. I found it through CakeWrecks. I am in awe of your faith and rejoicing with you and your pregnancy. Please know I am praying for you and your new baby.
    James, Dora and Peanut are very lucky to have such loving and devoted parents.

  2. I am one of the people who was led to your blog through cake wrecks and your story really touched me! I am about to graduate in 2 weeks from nursing school and I will be working in a NICU. It is stories like yours like really make being a a nurse so fulfilling. After reading about how much you guys have been though, I was SO happy to read about your new baby on the way and that things are going well so far. I will keep your family in my prayers!

  3. I too was lead to your sweetbabyjames blog from cakewrecks and read the entire sequence of joyous and heartbreaing events. Your faith is inspiring and I can’t express how that has changed me. I am thrilled that you have a baby on the way and will keep you all in my prayers! Happy birthday sweet baby James, your brief life here was not in vain.

  4. I, too, found your blogs through Cake Wrecks. Thank you so much for sharing your story with the world. Happy Birthday, sweet baby James!

  5. Another Cakewrecks linkee. When I found Cakewrecks, and subsequently Baby James’ site a few months ago, I stayed up late into the morning reading it and crying. I’m just really impressed by your faith and strength, and I look forward to meeting you and your lovely babies someday in heaven! I’m so glad that things are going well so far with this little guy. Thanks for sharing your story.

  6. So I found my way to sweetbabyjames.info yesterday (Sunday)via CakeWrecks. I spent most of yesterday reading the whole journey from the beginning. Even though I knew the outcome from the very beginning I laughed and cried and cheered for James (and Dora). I don’t think I have cried that much in a long, long time. It was not how I planned to spend my Sunday (I planned on working) but I’m glad I spent it the way I did.

    And then at the end, I found the link for here. And saw that you are expecting again, and I started crying all over again – tears of joy this time.

    I am sorry for your losses. I am thrilled that you are going to be welcoming another child into the world. I will be keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers over the coming months.

    Happy Birthday James!

  7. I am another Cakewrecks linkee, and read all of the sweet baby James story in one sitting,and then on to this site.Me and mine certainly rejoice with you and yours and wish you all the love and luck in the world.This little corner of Buckinghamshire, England will hold you close in our hearts.
    Happy Birthday Sweet Baby James

  8. I also found you today through Cake Wrecks and read your whole blog (actually both of them) this afternoon! Wow! I’m so happy for you that you’re expecting another baby and that he’s healthy!! God is SO good!

  9. I also found your link via Cakewrecks. I looked up his life verse last night (Rom. 8:28) and can see how the Lord is using his life to bring good to the world. I am so happy to see that God has blessed you with this pregnancy! My husband and I prayed last night for you to have a healthy pregancy and baby. Thank you for sharing your heart and the beautiful story of James.

  10. i (along with many) found this through the cakewrecks blog. i feel so special to share my birthday with james, and to have been able to read through your story as it continues. thank you for being so honest about all your experiences, and i am happy to hear you are expecting another healthy baby!

  11. Like most here, I found you today while getting a good laugh at cake wrecks and your story stopped me in my tracks. Your faith is so inspirational and encouraging in all that you have been through…amazing. My parents lost my sister when she was 15 years old, I was 2. A year ago,I had a baby that was born on my sisters birthday and for first time in 31 years, that was a happy day and not sad. That pain, even for me, has never ever gone away. And celebrating her first birthday, my sisters 51st, was happy but something always missing. But, I know that God has a tremendous purpose for you. Look at the lives YOU are touching and sharing your faith with some many others. That is a life well lived. Joyous joyous joyous news on the new one on the way…many prayers being sent your way for a healthy delivery and wonderful life.

  12. I, too, was introduced to your family via CakeWrecks. I spent a good part of the day reading your entire Sweet Baby James blog. I couldn’t help but fall in love with James and your entire family. I was so overjoyed to hear that you’re expecting again! Just know that one more person is lifting you up in prayer. My husband and I are also expecting a little one and tomorrow I’ll hit the 14th week. So everytime I think about my little one growing inside me, I’ll be thinking of your little one too!

    May God shower you with more blessings than you can count!

  13. Count me in among the many who just arrived from CakeWrecks!! I started reading Sunday, got almost to the end yesterday, and then finished and came over here today. Like many others, I knew what was coming, but I still sat and tried to read through my tears for 20 or so minutes. My heart just broke for you two. It made me so incredibly grateful for my daughter, and having James, and so many other babies like him, on my mind has made it easier to deal with the seemingly rough times she throws our way.
    I cannot tell you how overjoyed I was to read today about Peanut! And how healthy he looks! God blessed you immensely through James, and then Dora, and now Peanut. I will be praying for him, esp., but also for both of you, whenever I can remember!

  14. I am so glad I came across your blogs in the order I did. I am overjoyed at what I read here! I was there thinking that such wonderful parents such as you guys deserve more joys and blessings… and here I found about your third baby! I know after everything you guys have been through, it may not be as easy to simply be happy and enjoy this pregnancy… but I hope you’ll be granted the peace of mind and serenity to do so. Congratulations!

  15. Another Cake Wrecks reader here. I discovered your site a few days ago and have been reading every spare moment I’ve had at work ever since. I’ve watched all the videos and followed all the links on sweetbabyjames.info. I’ve read most of hopeforthechildproof.net, and have just started House of Gjertsen. Thank you for sharing your story and your son with the world. Mine is just one more life that has been touched by such an amazing little boy.

    I am not a religious person. I am not even a christian. But I find great comfort in your strong faith. You and your family will be in my thoughts as I follow your family’s progress in life. I have all 3 of your blogs bookmarked and will be following your latest development. I was shocked and amazed when I first came here and saw the sonogram and realized this was a new baby. Ihad to go back and re read to see if I had missed an announcement!

    Best of luck to both of you and may the power of love surround you both and your baby and bring you the healthy blessing you so richly deserve.

  16. I was lead to your blog through Cake Wrecks. I’m not super-religious, so perhaps I’m largely unqualified… But you guys, James, Dora, and Baby Number Three are in my prayers.

  17. I was lead here through CakeWreckers too and your story really made me cry. I really really wish you both the best of luck with baby number three, I’ll include you all in my prayers

  18. Hi! I found your blog through Cake Wrecks. Thank you for sharing your journey with James and Dora. I am grateful for baby number three.
    My best,
    Beth

  19. Why did he die, u left it out this story seems to jump around. Like. .it dont say much about james little life. Except for under the sink and noises. …whats the story for real.

  20. I just read your blog sweetbabyjames and I can’t begin to tell you the amount of hope it gave me. At 30 weeks we were told our unborn baby had semi lobar holoprosencephaly, open spina bifida and hydrocephalus. I am currently 35 weeks and terrified. I’ve done countless searches for our sons condition and have cried many tears. I’ve questioned why him…why us…why? Seeing your beautiful sons smiling face and all the many memories you have with him gives me a lot of hope that we get to have Easton for many months. What do I need to expect? How did you cope with the heartbreak of knowing he has holoprosencephaly? I’m lost, scared, and heartbroken…

    1. Ecko, our hearts go out to you. As you probably read, we were somehow given the providence to get all the way to an emergency c-section at 35 weeks without any knowledge of James’s conditions. I am sure it was a heavy and hard thing to hear. Surround yourself with a faithful and supportive community, take one day at a time. It may be a sprint or it may be a marathon, but the calling of being a special needs parent is intense. Praying for you tonight; I’m imagining with those diagnoses that you may be going to the hospital soon for delivery.

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