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hopes and prayers

Number Three is known around the Throne. I’m not just talking about the fact that “[his] frame was not hidden from You when [he] was made in the secret place” (Psalm 139:15). Beyond His own intimate knowledge, God has appointed certain people to commit to pray daily for #3, and I don’t mean just people like us and the grandparents either. Like his big brother, #3 is shaping up to be a group project that many are taking part in through intercession. We wouldn’t want it any other way! His 12-inch, 1-pound case is continually before the Father, between the prayers of Jesus (who lives to intercede for us) and those of his team on earth. To all of you, thank you for praying for him and us.

Last Saturday, I was particularly glad of those prayers. Out of the blue, I experienced some slight bleeding in the morning. Suddenly the possibility that #3’s life was required of us was before me, and I was not ready. The plans, the hopes, the assumptions, the complacency that had gradually gathered around my heart these last months were suddenly revealed in stark relief, as the familiar shapes of trees and structures suddenly jump out at you when lit by lightning. My faith felt atrophied and weak from disuse.

Fortunately he was kicking mightily through the whole thing, so at least that told me he was alive! After discussion with John and a few phone calls to medical people, it was determined that I should rest, drink water, and wait to see if the bleeding continued before going to the hospital. And that, praise God, is where it ended. I never had any more blood, and after some appointments this week, everything checked out normal. Number three was dancing on my bladder during Thursday’s ultrasound, so I got some good views of his jigging feet, legs, and “boy parts,” but unfortunately nothing above his hips. Can you see his foot next to the arrow below?

This Mother’s Day was bittersweet for me. During our years of infertility, Mother’s Day was a painful church service which I avoided, and I still feel a residual suspicion of any all-out elevation of the maternal. “Mother” has been a tenuous title for me since then, anyway. Two years ago I celebrated my first Mother’s Day with James in the NICU, where the nurses made me a card with James’s little footprint on it and taped it to the outside of his isolette. Last year I had two children to celebrate, unaware of their impending losses.

This year we enjoyed the memories we had of James and Dora, and the steady stream of kind comments from strangers who have discovered them at sweetbabyjames.info. And I have to say, I felt a lot of joy at the growing evidence of the vigorous life of #3. The hope that he represents took most of the edge off of what could have been a hard day.

16 thoughts on “hopes and prayers”

  1. beautiful picture of the 2 of you – I know I’m a complete stranger, but your journey and strength has renewed a lot of faith back into my heart.
    Glad to hear the bleeding wasn’t anything serious – try to rest as much as you can!

  2. This poem was in my devotional this morning (Streams in the Desert, by A.B. Simpson), and your post came to mind while I was reading it, so thought I should share.

    Pressed beyond measure; yes, pressed to great length;
    Pressed so intensely, beyond my own strength;
    Pressed in my body and pressed in my soul,
    Pressed in my mind till the dark surges roll.
    Pressure from foes, and pressure from dear friends.
    Pressure on pressure, till life nearly ends.

    Pressed into knowing no helper but God;
    Pressed into loving His staff and His rod.
    Pressed into liberty where nothing clings;
    Pressed into faith for impossible things.
    Pressed into living my life for the Lord,
    Pressed into living a Christ-life outpoured.

    The accompanying verse:
    We were under great pressure,….so that we despaired even of life…But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. (2 Corinthians 1:8-9)

  3. Father of Life,

    We thank you for the expectant mother who carries this growing hope in her life and into our world. Bless her and the living promise of this child and help her to manage the mix of joys, fears and anxieties she may have about the time ahead.

    As she watches her body change, may she grow in your own loving kindness and compassion. Let her be inspired by Mary and Joseph who model a loving family life and give her the courage to guide her children in a faith-filled life.

    Be with her in her gladness these days and deepen her faith, so that labor might be a time of strength and prayer. Guard the health of her baby and give her the peace of mind that may so often seem elusive in this time.

    With your grace, she will be ready for the end of this expectant time and ready to take on the joys and challenges of parenthood.

    May she praise you with Mary:
    “My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord and my spirit exalts in God my savior.”

  4. I am a stranger who came from Cakewrecks and has followed you– Your story is beautiful and know that you are touching so many lives thru your blogging.
    God bless you and your children, past and present and future!

  5. Just recently found your site, through cakewrecks, so glad you have the strength to move on.

    I’ve been reading another blog by another family who lost a special needs child too soon ttp://thespohrsaremultiplying.com , they may not have the same world views as you do, but they are certainly going through a similar horrible situation, and perhaps you could share some strength with them.

  6. Abby, you look so cute! The baby foot is adorable as well. Your family continues to be in our prayers and your faithfulness continues to inspire me. Love you!

  7. That pic is super cute of you two. I hope things are still going well!

    –Heather
    (a cakewrecks reader still following you 🙂

  8. Do you feel ever that God is trying to call you to adopt? If there is love and desire for children, why not take in orphan? Children come from God and you ask God for child and there are many asking God for parents; adoption answers your prayers and theirs.

    Twice I concieved but lost and cried and prayed for baby only to one day look up while on my walk. There in front of me was the church orphanage! So obvious now but before my husband and I kept saying we wanted our own baby, our own baby, ours ours ours. (Que tontos, ¿no? )

    Now we have three children who are ours. No they are not from our bodies but now they are from our hearts.

    (Sorry if this is not good english. I am still learning, ¡jajaja!)

  9. I am so overjoyed for your family. In the words of Julian of Norwich, a 14th Century mystic,

    “…All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well”

    Continue to shine a light, sparkly people!

  10. In reply to Isadora’s comment:

    Yes, adoption is a wonderful option! (no rhyme intended.) However, I’d like to think that just because the Gjertsens have experienced so many trials does not mean that things have to be one way or another. For all that they have been through, is it so hard to believe that they can be blessed this time around? Besides, just because you have one biological child does not mean that you can’t adopt more. I knew someone in high school who was born to her parents after many miscarriages, and they adopted a child from Korea when my classmate was old enough to appreciate a sibling.

    Sorry for jumping on a soapbox, but I’m just really happy for the Gjertsens. After Cakewrecks directed me to James’ and Dora’s stories and reading the news about Three, I can’t think of two people more deserving for some happiness in their lives.

  11. Abby, you are glowing. And the photo behind you, the one of James. So precious.

    When I was pregnant with my only child 25 years ago (only successful pregnancy of a total of six), I had a pregnancy pallor, so I’m a bit jealous of someone who looks as gorgeous as you do.

    Then again, you do deserve it. You tell your cervix and uterus to behave itself, and give Three a loving touch and tell him there’s people praying for your family.

  12. Abby,
    So glad to see that you are expecting
    I’ve been thinking a lot about you and wondering how you are both doing.. Please keep me informed on how things are going.. We just moved to Davenport in late April..
    Best of luck,
    Pat, grammie to angel Connor

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