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remembering

Two Saturdays ago (wow we are really slacking on this blogging thing!) we left Valor with a couple supergrands and attended a perinatal remembrance ceremony. The social workers and chaplains from Winnie Palmer put this event together every year for parents who have lost infants or suffered miscarriage. Although the word “perinatal” technically defines a range between 20 weeks gestation and 7 days after birth, we treat this ceremony as a way of primarily remembering our daughter Dora, lost at 15.5 weeks gestation.

Abby wrote very eloquently about this service last year, and this year it was mostly the same. This time, though, Abby was invited to read her poem “Tiny One.” And this time it was warm enough to release butterflies at the conclusion of the ceremony. Fittingly, our envelope had two butterflies: one flew away early, and the other preferred to stay for a while.

[quicktime]http://houseofgjertsen.info/video/butterfly.mov[/quicktime]

We attended this ceremony because we needed to set aside time to remember and reconnect with our past. Although we probably blog about it a lot, the immediacy and the intensity of our experiences is eroded by time, and by the new—and normal—adventures of everyday life with Valor.

And sometimes the memories are instantly brought back into focus, like when I heard about Ava Winfield (most recent update is that she’s off the ventilator!) And then recently when we heard some friends who have suffered through infertility describe having the best weekend of their lives, only to be brought down again by miscarriage.

This Thanksgiving, we are certainly thankful for Valor’s health and increasing smiles. But we’re also thankful for the totality of our journey as parents, because it has given us more compassion for others. We can affirm the truth of 2 Cor. 1:3-4: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”

We are also thankful for you! The faithful reader. The commenter. The stay-at-home lurker. The work shirker! Especially the ones who have never met us, but found us via Cakewrecks or some other way, immersed themselves in our story, and who now know us better than some of our friends who haven’t read our blogs. You fuel our faith, and you bring us great comfort—because you know how God comforted us, and you met our children, and you will remember.

Thank you.

15 thoughts on “remembering”

  1. Like the others have said, thank you. Your blog is a source of inspiration, and I’m so pleased I found it. I think that your blog truly is a blessing to so many, and so I (we) appreciate it.

  2. Your family has somehow inexplicably become a part of my daily conscience. I think of James and Dora often and I can’t wait to see what baby Valor is up to. The two of you are a remarkable couple. My husband and I are also remarkable. God forged us in fire in order to make us strong enough for each other. We are so grateful for the fire we were put through because it brought us to where we are and who we are today.

    Thanks for sharing your lives with all of us. Oh and I love me some CakeWrecks!

  3. Thank you for sharing the poem “Tiny One.” I am certain that people were moved by your honesty at the ceremony. It was pure JOY to have a little smile-fest with Valor at church yesterday morning. God is faithful, and you are loved!

  4. Like others have said, thank you so much for sharing your story. You guys truly know what it means to keep the faith through hard times, and that is a huge encouragement to me.
    Hope you had a very happy Thanksgiving! God bless! 🙂

  5. Thanks for blogging! Always interesting to check in and read your latest. Often it’s also quite inspiring.
    When I’ve had unexpected unpleasant things happen, I’ve thought about you and decided to trust God more in the midst of disappointments as I remembered you doing the same.

  6. God wastes nothing, even the hard providences. While 2 Cor. 1:3-5 doesn’t always do much to comfort in the immediate trauma, you show us that with time, the comfort we do bring others in their affliction does redeem even the worst of losses, if we are of a mind to act as a conduit of the comfort of Christ to others. Thank you.

  7. First I want to say congrats on your new baby (sorry it is almost three months late). I found your previous site about sweet baby James through Cake Wrecks and read his entire story, eventually following you here. What strong people you are, to continue to hold together and stay faithful to God despite all your sadness and loss. You two deserve a happy and healthy boy like Valor. May his love fill your days with joy.

    Hope to hear more soon.
    Peace and God Bless,
    Rebecca

  8. Sure *MISS* you all and hearing your updates on the family and baby Valor !! Are you all okay ? How is he doing ? I bet he has grown like a weed since the last photos we seen of him, lol. Just feel you all are a part of our family and wanting to make sure all is well with everyone !!

    HugZ & KisseZ,

    Crystal G.
    Mississippi

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