Carolina in my mind

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28 Responses

  1. Ginger says:

    Abby and John–Many blessings to you. I am so sorry. I’m praying that you learn what you need to know. You are in His hands. Always.

  2. Becky says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart. You continue to point and show forth Christ in all. Thank you. Our love and prayers continue.

  3. Stephanie Rex says:

    Thank you so much for your open and honest heart. We will be praying for you and your family. Thankful that even in numb times you cling to truth. The Lord has used you and your family mightily. Lots of love to you all.
    The Rex’s

  4. Mellin says:

    It is always difficult to understand god’s plan in all of this. I lost a sister mere minutes after she was born and now more than a decade later I still haven’t quite come to terms with it.

  5. ~Shari says:

    Love and prayers sent your way!

  6. Carrie says:

    ((hugs)) I can’t say that I empathize with losing children during/after pregnancy, but I do understand the “numbness” feeling. By the time my brother died of cancer in 2009, I had already become numb due to losing a handful of other close relatives to cancer prior to Josh. Outsiders didn’t understand why I didn’t mourn the way others did — I seldom cried, and even today I rarely feel the classic grief that typically without warning crosses over those who have lost a close loved one. But I think God prepares us over time for these moments. With Josh, I was more numb simply because I knew he wouldn’t suffer and that his body was finally completely healed being in the presence of the Almighty. Yes, I selfishly wished and prayed during his last few months that I would have him here to see his nieces and nephews grow up, but I know that we’ll see him soon enough. As often as you’ll hear people tell you that it’s ok to cry, I’m here to tell you it’s ok to NOT cry — God knows what your heart feels, and He gives you the peace and strength you need for each new day. We don’t necessarily become calloused to pain, but we understand a bit more of God’s mercy and grace each time pain is introduced, and we know that this earthly life is but temporary.

  7. Cherilee & George says:

    Abby & John,
    We’re standing together with you two, grieving the loss of your precious Carolina Grace and lifting you up to His throne of grace. Your openness and honesty are an encouragement and we thank you and love you.
    C & G

  8. Ashley M. says:

    Never forget that you are loved <3

  9. Beth C. says:

    Continuing to lift you all up in my prayers.

  10. Julianne says:

    Thinking of you all today and offering prayers for your comfort.

    We love you.
    The Laus

  11. Patty says:

    So sorry to think about the sadness you’ve been through, yet a third time.
    Thanks for sharing. Wish I knew which words to say. I don’t have any except I”m thinking of you and appreciate your letting us know how you’re doing.

  12. Catherine says:

    I first read your story (and that of your children) several years ago via a link on Cakewrecks. From time to time, I’ve checked back in to see how things were going– I find your faith so inspiring, even though it communicated through such difficult life circumstances. I am not married, so children are not on my radar– but I know that you must be such an inspiration to so many who have been down similar roads. As for the rest of us, your faith through hardship and suffering is inspiring all the same– though the suffering is different for each of us, so long as we are on earth, it is something we all face.

    Anyway, I hadn’t stopped by for awhile, but today, it “randomly” popped into my head that I should check out your blog again. Now, I see why. My condolences on the loss of your baby girl–I’m glad that I can pray for you now.

  13. Hope says:

    I am praying for your comfort in your loss. I was so excited for you when I first saw Carolina’s ultrasound and started looking forward to your blog posts on her development. I hope some information can be gathered from all the test so you can at least get the answers you need. Hug and kiss Valor from all of your internet family.

  14. Carolyn says:

    I just found your blog via Epbot and read your husband’s letter to Caroline Grace and then this entry. As the tears stream down my face I’m so impressed by your perspective and honesty. I had a miscarriage a year ago last week and wrestled with my own saddness and numbness. Salvation does belong to the LORD and as much as this world tries to convince us that it is our home, it isn’t. Thank you for pointing the way to truth and holding on to His promises even when it hurts. You are an inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing your story.

  15. Renee Allmand says:

    John & Abby,

    We love you both and we grieve with you over your daughter. We pray that God will keep you close to Him, and place you in the cleft of the rock & cover over you as He comforts & heals you. We pray for wisdom & discernment as the doctors try to find out why Carolina died.

    Steve & Renée

  16. Ashley says:

    Whatever you feel is normal, I am sure. You all are in my prayers. I am so sorry for your loss.

  17. Mandi says:

    It’s a terrible experience we share. I’ll keep you and your lovely family in my prayers.

    ~Mandi (another Epbot reader)

  18. Jill says:

    The way you shared your feelings and experience in this post was beautiful. I pray for you and your family and Carolina. Letting her go to Jesus is exactly right – your love for all of your children is evident.

  19. Jessica says:

    I am so sorry for your loss, but so thankful for your honesty. Your faith is truly an inspiration to myself and, obviously, to countless others who have read your story. I pray that God grants you peace and strength, and a special blessing on your beautiful family.
    -Jes (cakewrecks & epbot reader)

  20. Jessica says:

    I am so very sorry for your loss. Praying for you

  21. Margaret Westaway says:

    I only know you through your blog, but as I read this post, my heart aches for you and your husband. I send my prayers to you and may you find solace in your faith and your family.

  22. Stacie says:

    Dear John and Abby,

    We too have a beautiful son named Valor. He is four months old and such a delight! I found your blog nearly a year ago when I was Googling “Valor” while pregnant. I was trying to connect to our little guy – I was so fearful after a loss (our second). At that time, I read through all your posts and fell in love with your sweet, beautiful James. He touched my heart so. I’ve checked back from time to time to see how your Valor is growing. What a big strong boy he is! Abby, be comforted and know that you are a wonderful mother. We don’t know one another, however your love for your children shines brightly in your written words. It’s so hard to connect with a baby when you’re afraid of “losing” them, I know. Valor is our eleventh child (ninth living on earth), and he is loved as fiercely as our first. Praise the Lord for His goodness and wisdom. Praise the Lord that we will be reunited with our children once again and for eternity. May the peace of God surround you both and may you feel His perfect love as it encompasses you. I will be praying for you dear ones.

  23. Kristin says:

    Abby and Jon,

    I have been following your blog for a couple years and grieve with you over the loss of Carolina. I, too, pray that the tests provide answers, so that you can have some sense of understanding through all the suffering. Even so, I am thankful to see that you can rejoice in the son that you have with you on earth and the three babies that are in heaven. It will be such a glorious reunion when you can finally have your whole family together again someday.


  24. Lisa M says:

    John and Abby,
    Thanks for sharing your heart with us- my heart breaks as I read it all! The Lord has you in His mighty grip- and will not let you go through anything with Him. Praying for strength, joy, and grace, and patience as you experience all the emotions you are facing.


  25. Lacy says:

    What a beautiful testimony you have. May the God of all comfort bring you peace.

  26. Stephanie says:

    Continuing to keep you and your family in my prayers. May God continue to surround you with His peace.

  1. May 17, 2011

    […] working for a month or so on a baby book for Carolina Grace. It’s just a scrapbook with her life verse, her ultrasound pictures, some photos of us during the pregnancy, our blog entries, pages and pages […]

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