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addition and multiplication

Last weekend we drove to Charlotte, where I took the Level III Chartered Financial Analyst Exam. While I took the six-hour exam, Abby and Valor—joined by my mom who drove in from Raleigh—took in Ikea as well as a brand new interactive playground called Discovery Kids. Both of these venues made me a little jealous for big city amenities.

Meanwhile, over at the Charlotte Convention Center, I’m writing essays and bubbling in answers to questions about things like economic theory, portfolio construction, and commodities derivatives. Fun times. Actually, the test is held annually at the same venue that a comics store in Charlotte hosts HeroesCon. So, if you happened to be walking around the Charlotte convention center on June 4, you would have seen a lot of people holding a calculator and a fistful of sharpened #2 pencils and gazing intently at flashcards, and then you would see quite a few others like these:

I kept asking myself: To the average guy on the street, between us and them, who looks like more of a dweeb? Actually, some might see something of a “hero” in both groups. CFA candidates are sworn to a high standard of financial ethics and aim to help the rest of the population navigate the space between excessive financial risks and fear of investing altogether (a risky idea in its own right). So back off, Insider Trading Man, Doctor Dividend is in the house! (See what happens when Abby edits my posts?) I should find out if I passed the test sometime in August.

So, we’ve been on blog silence mode for almost a month (although hardcore fans will observe that I switched up the typography slightly) partly because of studying leading up to the exam, and partly due to our complicated reproductive adventure, and not knowing just how exactly to share the next chapter of our journey.

Clearly, our plans to grow our family have encountered some sort of mysterious obstacle. The theme verse of this blog, “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain” (from Psalm 127:1) has taken on meaning we did not fully expect when we chose it. Abby and I are both so thankful for the Lord’s abiding comfort and for being our refuge, redeemer, and lifter of our heads during so many deviations from the script we would have written.

On the genetic front, there are doctors presently trying to determine if any of the homozygosity detected in Carolina’s genome is connected to James’s medical conditions; or, if any of James’s DNA is preserved in a freezer somewhere, whether James had similar homozygous regions. (We don’t think there is any DNA preserved from Dora.) Abby and I are expecting to get the same kind of CGH testing that Carolina got, more or less to determine if we have similar genetic regions or if there is some repeatable error in recombination. But we’re securing some life insurance for Abby before we get our DNA tested. There is a law that prevents health insurance from underwriting on the basis of genetic tests, but it doesn’t apply to life insurance, so we’re going to try to get that in place just in case there is something adverse in Abby’s nucleic tea leaves. Depending on whether or not there are any solid conclusions made about what specific chromosomal region(s) may have led to our miscarriages, we expect to either:

  1. resume trying to grow our family the way everyone else does, with a lot of hope and prayer, or
  2. look into something more technologically complicated. With a lot of hope and prayer.

And then there’s adoption.

Abby and I first started talking about adopting one or more children before our engagement. We’ve long felt that the process of adopting tangibly reflects the heart of our stranger-loving Father:

“[In love] he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.” (Eph 1:5-6)

Despite our early conversations about adoption, Abby and I have both been encumbered for many years by of our pride in the matter of wanting biological children, so we relegated the adoption plan to a “later” thing. But now we’re wondering if the House Builder—without whose work our effort results in vanity—has put adoption into the blueprint earlier than we thought.

There’s a difference, it turns out, between the sentimentally simplistic fantasy of contemplating adoption and the actual implementation of an adoption plan. We’re somewhere between the two right now, just trying to understand what it’s all about with no solid game plan but more intention than we’ve ever had in the past. We vacillate between feeling excited about the outcome and overwhelmed about how to get there. It’s not an easy, cheap, or fast undertaking.

When any big decision gets made, I’ll be sure and build you a double crostic. 😉

 

 

12 thoughts on “addition and multiplication”

  1. I like the leaving a comment here instead of Facebook, that’s a good one. Thanks for the update, I know it’s not easy letting others into your life. When I first met you guys, the only other couple I knew that had trouble having kids was my brother and his wife, it took them 9 yrs to get pregnant. Then when Ryland was 4 we started trying again with not much luck but your stories of HoPE helped me more than you know. It’s took alittle over 2 yrs to get pregnant with Vera.
    I think of you guys often as James is often on my mind, you can’t forget that smile. Prayers that a answer will come to you and your family will grow.

  2. I LOVE IKEA! And I also love Cons 🙂 I’m looking forward to Dragon*Con this Labor Day weekend! (going as Ash from ‘Evil Dead’/’Army of Darkness’, complete with styrofoam chainsaw for my arm and toy boomstick in my grandpa’s old rifle pouch.)

    Wishing y’all the best of luck for the next step! And as for Valor…..who is this little young adult and what has he done with the baby from not so long ago??

    1. There was girl in Charlotte with a styrofoam and cardboard chainsaw duct taped to her arm and I was so focused on interest rate swaps that I completely failed to recognize who she was supposed to be. Thanks for jogging my memory!

  3. Hi John and Abby:

    Whatever you decide, I know it will be done prayerfully and with much deliberation. There are pros and cons to both options. I know you’re both open to God’s plan.

    Valor is such a handsome boy! I love seeing him grow and explore.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

    Sally in Indianapolis

  4. Best last line ever. I know the pride of wanting biological children and the fear of red tape in adoption. I have no doubt that the Lord will show you His plan, and that you’ll follow with open hearts. You guys are awesome.

  5. You’re in good company with Biblical heroines including Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Hannah and Elizabeth..

    When they finally received their offspring, those offspring had unique and special callings in the Kingdom.

    That has encouraged me as God allowed me to experience life threatening pre eclampsia/toxemia with both pregnancies and a miscarriage in between, resulting in only two, (yet wonderful) children. Years ago I longed for more but He has given me contentment, one day at a time…

  6. PS. However I am NOT suggesting your situation or calling from God is anything like mine at all.

    He certainly has unique and wonderful plans for you and your family . Seems to me He designed each human with totally unique fingerprints to remind us that He designs each path of our lives uniquely fit for us and us alone!

    .. I do not want to “compare” especially as Scripture reminds me to compare ourselves with others is not wise…

    just trying to perhaps share some words of maybe a bit of comfort or. whatever…please forgive any insensitivity or etc…not my intention, believe me..

  7. I am so excited to hear you mention adoption!! During the months following the birth of our second child, I experienced some significant (and unusual) health issues which left me at 29 knowing I would likely never be able to carry another child due to the high risks. We had always wanted 4 or 5 children, and this came as quite a shock. God had different plans for us. It has not been an easy road, and we have had lots of doubts, sorrow, fights for faith, and lots of questions about adoption, but we started pursuing a domestic adoption last July. Our daughter was born in April, and her birth and adoption have been one of the most amazing experiences of our lives! When we began the first step of pursuing adoption, we only had the money for that first step and we only had faith to take that first step. But God met us continually along the way with greater faith for each next step. Our particular adoption proved to be FAR more expensive than we had planned for, but God provided money for us time and again, and the adoption is paid in full, which is truly just a miracle and something we never could have imagined happening.

    I want to encourage you in your example of trusting God. We have two close friends who lost children, one at birth and one at 6 weeks, so we have had a window into the intense grief that brings. And we have walked through adoption this past year with our close friends who have been unable to conceive for 6 years, so we have a window into the grief of infertility. It is remarkable to ‘watch’ you all walk through both while hoping in God. There is much of His grace in your lives!

    If you would like to ask any questions about adoption, please feel free to email me! ( I know you don’t know who I am, but I would be happy to give you our family blog to see.) I have lots of resources I could pass along to you. It was so helpful for us to talk to people who had adopted. God used that to build our faith. We also found Russell Moore’s book ‘Adopted for Life’ to be very encouraging and helpful.

    I will pray that God leads you to the path He has for you, whatever it is.

  8. Hi,
    I found your site ages ago (I believe through CakeWrecks) and have been praying for you guys ever since. I just wanted to mention embryo adoption to you guys. I have no personal experience with it, but I have prayed with a friend of mine through the process. It’s not an easy road, and I daresay I might even be insensitive for mentioning it, but I rarely feel this led to comment on a blogpost, so…
    Praying for you all as you take the next step and the next.
    Under the Mercy,
    Stephanie

  9. Just another CakeWrecks follower (I’ve commented a few times) and all I can say is whatever God has in store for you child-wise–biological or adopted–those children will be hitting the parent lottery with you two. What a wonderful blessing you will be to them! 🙂 You are in my prayers.

  10. First, I want to see Abby design Dr. Divident a superhero costume of his own. 🙂

    Second, adoption can be a scary thing but with two such godly parents as any child would love to have (I wish you had been MY adopted parents) you would bless any child who lived under your roof. Lots of prayer for this one…

    Third, I miss you all. Hugs to all three. 🙂

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