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hello and goodbye

After days of anticipation and a night of restless sleep, Wednesday morning I took a pregnancy test. John had two different dreams in which we were and were not pregnant, so it took him a second to get his bearings on reality when I told him, “John…I think I see a second line!”

Who is like the LORD our God??? Glory! Praise the name of the LORD!

Thursday a blood test result confirmed the pregnancy, but the numbers also revealed that it was probably a singleton. So, as excited as we are to be expecting!!!!…we want to take a post to honor the one that has gone ahead.

Dear Itty,

The pregnancy test confirmed that I am pregnant…but probably with only one baby. We’ll never know if it is #6 or #7 who lives on within me, so we have decided to call you Itty. And today, although we are so delighted to be housing and mothering Bitty, we want to say goodbye to you.

Itty, I never had the chance to tell you in person, but there is a holy God who made you—at a level much higher than the scientists who joined sperm and egg in the lab. This God loves you very much, and He put His stamp of affection on you by creating you in His own image! His ultimate desire for every person is to be with Him, enjoying Him and worshiping around His throne (which is like a huge and fancy high chair). But we are all born into a disobedient family, even you, Itty, who will never properly be born at all. So God sent His Son Jesus to live a perfect life and be killed as a punishment for the sins of those who believe in Him by faith—making it possible for us, though we are not holy ourselves, to be together with our holy Creator God. That delightful, sunshiny presence that you now bask in—whether as an embryo or as a full-grown person I do not know—is this loving God, who has brought you near to Him by forgiveness through Jesus.

We love you because He first loved us. We wish that we could have had the chance to meet you and see you grow… Goodbye for now, Itty. We love you and miss you already.

love,

Mom and Dad

It is much easier to say goodbye to Itty with the knowledge that Bitty lives on. I feel my heart flutter every time I think of being pregnant. Thank you all so much for your prayers and encouragement up until now! At this point the pregnancy is as “risky” as any normal pregnancy. Please pray that God continues to sustain Bitty!

8 thoughts on “hello and goodbye”

  1. Dear Abby and John,

    With tears I send congratulations and condolences. So thankful you are pregnant and praying for a safe and joyful outcome in 9 months or so.
    God bless you all,
    Diane

  2. Precious Itty has gone back to God, of that I have no doubt. Although I’m a total stranger to you, I want to let you know how much I admire you for giving the baby a chance. We firmly believe that they are babies from the second of conception and that there is never an excuse for abortion, and I’m so glad that there are parents who are willing to let their embryos be adopted so that they too will have a chance at the life God gave them. God bless you and your family.

  3. We also had to say goodbye to one of one embies. We were on year nine of infertility and desperately wanted them both. We were also out of money so IVF #2 was out of the question. Our beta was 165 so I also suspected a singleton. I was so thrilled to be pregnant, for the first time ever, but also sad for our little guy who didn’t make it. Our son was born exactly 9 months to the day of his conception in the Petri dish. We did a three day transfer. Both embies pictures are in his scrapbook. We can tell one is probably him, but will never know for sure. He is 11 now and has been blessed with a 9 year old brother and 8 year old sister, the old fashioned way, at long last. I pray your embie is in for the long haul too! Sticky thoughts!

  4. This is very bittersweet. I’m so sorry that you lost Itty, but thrilled to the skies that you have Bitty!

    Continued good thoughts for this pregnancy and that you have a healthy, strong and beautiful baby, like Valor and Percy.

    Sally in Indy

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